Tis the season...

First off, the world didn't end.  Our planet didn't fold in on itself to the point of singularity like I thought it would.

Now what am I going to do with all these "I survived the Mayan Apocalypse" t-shirts?  Worst part is that I never was able to have my Mayan-themed party where I could sport my jaguar-print track suit.

Guy:  Nice leopard print dork
DT:  It's jaguar, learn the difference cretin.
Guy:  Whatever nerd.  Animal has spots.

~~~~~~~~~~~

We're approaching DefCon 3 in terms of holiday season.  Just 3 days left in which we can load up on crap we shouldn't buy, crap we shouldn't eat and Mannheim (Cleveland) Steamroller songs that make me want to bludgeon a baby fur seal, skin it and use it for soft and fashionable ear plugs.

Protip:  electronically garbled music and Silent Night don't mix.

Our family is done with Christmas shopping and we did it all from the comforts of our home.  Honestly, if there is a Santa Claus, I bet he's a washed up hobo, staggering around Calgary right now drinking Schlitz and eating freeze dried Comet and Vixen.  Mr. Amazon reigns supreme in this land of over indulgence bitches.

Do I miss fighting crowds, not getting what I set out to buy and muttering things about how much I hate humanity because some dillweed can't hold the door open for me as my hands are full with toddlers, bags and homemade fudge?  No, not really.

But you literally cannot fail with Amazon.  They make it so fecking easy.  I can drink my eggnog, watch Nova on PBS and throw stuff in my basket until I either a) run out of eggnog or b) realize that, no, my nephew does not need a baby orangutan dressed as a cowboy.

The practical side of me says:  Great, no more of the above and more time for guzzling eggnog!

The reminiscent side of me says:  Bah humbug to Amazon.

My kids won't have the pleasure of snooping around the house trying to kind mom and dad's present stash.

They won't have the joy of both mom and dad frantically leaving the house on Dec. 23 trying to find that one Toys 'R Us store that still has Amazing-robo-saurus in stock while leaving the oldest sibling to watch over the rest of the family but fully knowing that the oldest sibling will decide to load up the kids in the suburban and drive around the neighborhood at the age of 14.  (BTW:  Hi Sarah!)

Most of all, I'm not sure it will give them the satisfaction of the actual giving when it comes their time to buy presents for their loved ones.  It's easy to click twelve times and have our presents magically delivered by Amazon elves.  I get that.  However, I'm left with a certain hollow feeling when all is said and done.  I poked around some sites, looked for some online discounts but never touched the items I purchased.

(This goes in the same vein as me wanting to have a printed book as opposed to an e-reader.)

I need the tangible gift in my hands to crystallize how gift will make Person A happy.

It's trite.  It's silly.  But it's real to me.

Sure, I'll make excuses that I don't have time with 3 boys to help take care or that it's too cold out or that it's cheaper online but I do miss the actual act of picking something out.  I miss giving.

I am looking forward to Christmas and the New Year.  I'm excited to see G's face when he tears through gifts and have the twins be more enthralled by the cardboard boxes that delivered said gifts.

I'm looking forward to listening to "Carol of the Bells" and listening to my wife change the words to "Ding, fries are done/ ding fries are done/would you like an apple pie with that?".

I'm looking forward to the holy peace of Christmas Eve once all the wrapping is complete, the Christmas morning prepping is done and the spiced eggnog begins to make me doze.

I'm looking forward to the New Year and the freshness that it somehow brings.

I'm mostly looking forward to a resolution of being able to give again.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.